Well I know this is the post that most of you are interested in. And for good reason. I was supposed to be in Bulgaria til June 2010, then suddenly, within 3 days time I have to pack my bags and bounce. Well I have my reasons, and Ill quickly go over them.....
Ive been having this uneasy feeling within me for a while now. After the obscenity scratched on my door, I really started to go into a shell, and wonder if this was really for me. I didnt want to walk around the town, and felt uncomfy even walking down certain streets. I went to the Supermarket for obvious reasons, to eat and survive, but other than that, I went to work and came home. Since G lost her job, I stopped going to Sofia to hang out, and I started to really dislike the town. The fact that I had lived in this town for 16 months and people STILL looked at me in a funny manner, or stared at me, really upset me and made me uncomfy. Its not like I didnt try to connect with people, and I had. I knew a fe people in town, and I had lots of colleagues whom I adored. But the fact of the matter is, outside of work, I didnt hang out with those colleagues and the friends I had in town were all so much older. They were interested in hanging out and drinkin at the local restaurant in town every Fri, and nothing else. That gets boring after a while. I just got so frustrated with everything. I tried doing a project with the school and received no help, then tried to do something for the summer to no avail. I thought I was cool just doing nothing for the summer, but it honestly got so damn boring, and I was just at my wit's end.
I battled with leaving early for a long time. I thought it would look horrible on my record, you know, making a committment then leaving early. I thought in the long run it would make a HUGE difference if I applied to a job or would just be plain embarrassing when I came home early, knowing people werent expecting me home for another 10 months. And obviously, I felt like I would be a disappointment to my mom and myself, embarking on a journey and quitting early for selfish reasons. But then I really started thinkin of how unhappy I was. Just how I dreaded leaving my apt to walk to Kaufland to buy groceries, or how I hated to travel on the train to Sofia. So many negative feelings. Then I felt like I didnt want to me unhappy for another 10 months cuz nothing was gonna get better. As far as teaching, my students were mediocre, and Im sorry to say this, but one bad apple really does spoil the bunch. Although there were a few students whom I reallly liked, and really worked hard, I flet like that wasnt enough. For evey one good kid in my class, there were 3 more who didnt do any work, were extremely lazy, had bad attitudes, and really made it hard for me to do my job. And I refuse to stay in a place where 1. Im not feelin the situation, but 2. someone is making it hard for me to do my job cuz they could give 2 shits that Im there or not.
So all this to say, that I felt it was time for me to go. No need to try to survive for another 10 months, or push myself to do my job cuz my heart really wasnt in it. And at the end of the day, I need to do what is best for me.
Now there was a bit of drama surrounding my Italy trip, and Ill clear that up right now. I know how the PC rumor mill gets going and Id like to be very clear on what happened. So I put in my leave request form to go to Italy. I listed the dates as 11th-16th, but that was wrong. I changed the dates and in an email to my program director, asked if I needed to fill out another leave request form, or if I could just let her know what the new dates were (I was going from the 14th-23rd). She said no problem, but failed to put the amended dates into the official PC system. So when the system reported that I had not contacted anyone, and folks called my phone and got no answer, they went into a frenzy. They called my school (and the people there said they didnt know where I was...lol). Then they called Jeng, another vol whom I do not hang out with AT ALL and and confused as to why they would call her of ALL people (they ALWAYS see me with Matt). They checked with the airline (which reported that I had left the country for Italy BUT HAD NOT RETURNED YET) and the border patrol (which reported that b4 I left for Italy, I went to Macedonia for 1 day without permission).
Now I dont know if this is just me (or Amanda/Matt) but if they checked with the airline and it showed that my passport was stamped when I entered Italy, but WAS NOT stamped for entering Bulgaria again, wouldnt one think that I was STILL IN ITALY?!?! Furthermore, wouldnt it have been so EASY to just email me ans ask where the hell I was?!?! Instead, they did all this BS to put on a show, and for what?!?!
But at the end of the day I DO understand that its all about safety and they didnt "know" where I was. But when I spoke with my Country Director, she did acknowledge the fact that I sent the email with the amended dates, and that the fault was on my Program manager cuz she didnt update their system. WHATEVER. So the next issue was of course, my leaving to go to Macedonia with no permission. Becuase of that, she sent me an email saying that she was considering me for adminstrative separation (like firing me). Which was cool with me, cuz altho I decided to leave Bulgaria (I had been packed since early July) I didnt tell PC cuz I was waiting to come back from Italy. So I spoek with her and told her I was plannin on leaving anyway, and it all worked out in the end. I think she recognized what a hard time Ive had here and altho I did break the rules in the end, she was pretty cool about it. I was expecting my Country Director to have a nasty attitude but she was actually pretty cordial and pleasant. Even offered me a recommendation if I needed it! (Take that Jordan!!!....hahaha)
Other than packin all my shit, it was hard saying goodbye I must admit. I had to give my keys to someone at the school, and instead of sneaking out the country I really wanted to say goodbye to Mama Vanya at least. I went early in the morning Mon and we sat and chatted. We laughed, we cried, and we said our goodbyes. I really felt like shit after that, but I suppose life goes on right?!?!!?
The process was fairly quick from start to finish. I spoke with my country director thursday and told her I wanted to leave and she said they coudl get me a flight tuesday morn. I spent the weekend cleaning, and packin and preparing for my LaGuardia arrival. Went in to the office Mon, filled out some paperwork, and kept it moving. Had an interesting evening with Amanda. We had dinner, drank and hung out, talked shit about PC and other stuff. It was a great "last night in BG" Got on my flight with all my shit the next day and was surprised I only had to pay 25 euro for my extra heavy (and overwight) luggage (thank the lord). Flight from Sofia to Amsterdam, to Detroit to NY.
And how to I feel now? GREATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT (in that Tony the Tiger voice). It is a lil daunting figuring out my next step, getting a job, applying for school, finding an apt. But man, there is jsut a certain freedom I feel. I calmness in me that feels so relaxing. I feel at home amidst the bright lights and hecticness of the city. I saw my sisters and we went to the movies and hung out, met up with Poppa, and just have been chillin. The wight of a thousand worlds has lifted off my shoulders. I dont regret my decision perse, I jsut wish under different circumstances I was able to stay.
Had an interesting convo with the Safety and security director. She told me she was pushing for me to move my site. she thought after the last incident that I should move to another town. But it was my program manager who was stalling. Which is funny cuz when I brought my concerns to her about leaving early, she kinda brushed me off. Didnt even take me seriously....hahahaha I bet her ass know Im serious now.....
There you have it folks.....questions, comments, concerns?!?!
After dinner at this place called Brother Jimmy's, we went to this cute bar around the corner. It 2 dance floors and a rooftop bar. It was so cozy and nice. The music was great, old school R&B. The drinks were good. Mere obviously had a great time, grindin up on Ben like that....
A few things every respectable chick needs: a sexy minidress, nice pumps, and a alcoholic beverage! I'd just like to mention that while I was at the bar, some chick walked up to me NO LIE and said "If Im the only person to tell you, I just wanted you to know that you are working that dress and those pumps!" Ha, thats how fabulous I am......
Kickin it with Emily and (throwback) Ben. Havent seen this dude in like forever.....
I was walkin around the city with one of the models and this random Italian offered to take pics of us. Cool, no biggie. But then he wanted to get our numbers, and take us for cafe and meet with us the next day. Look how old he looks....
Oh great, there are earrings to match. These joints were damn near 1000 euros.....
