One Year Anniversary....

yes ladies and gentlemen the time had come to commemorate the one year anniversary of: *DRUM ROLL PLEASE*


NO SEX!

Yes you read that correctly. In just about 2 short weeks, I will have NOT had sex in a year! What an amazing feat to have accomplished. And just incase you were bad at math i've been here 11 months so that leaves a month unaccounted for. Well the actually 6 weeks before I left I stopped all activity altogether. And just for the record, please believe that I could have BEEN jumped in the bed with someone, cuz Im that SHIT!

Dont feel sorry for me please. I really aint missin out on anything. Most of these folks out here cant even work it in the bedroom.....hahahahahaha

*hand claps all around*

Now to CONTINUE with our REGULARLY scheduled program....

Ok, now its back to the juicy, funny stuff......SOOOOOOO one of my students invited me to a basketball game sunday at 9AM. And yes, that is against everything I stand for, to wake up THAT early on a weekend, but I was actually kinda honored he invited me, so I decided to go. Now, I was cranky as all hell, but thats neither here nor there......

So i really want yall to understand how BOOTLEG this game was. I mean the most bootlegest (if thats a word) game Ive ever seen in my life. I had to sit there and take notes on my phone JUST so I wouldnt forgot all the funny stuff that occurred during this "GAME."

so most of you who watch sports do it for the excitement of the game. In basketball you want to see the players working hard, setting plays, making baskets, and some type of element to keep you entertained for the most part. A real competition if you will.....Think thats what I saw on SUNDAY? Ding ding ding we have a winner....HELL NO thats not what happened.......

First of all lets talk about how the players looked? WAHT PLAYERS? these kids looked like they camein off the street 15 minutes before the game started. I mean some of them had different colored jerseys on (from the same team), some dude had on a pair of tight ass jeans, folks were wearing VANS (sneakers), low cut adidas, and what appeared to be dress shoes. I really kept praying someone fucked up their ankles......

DEFENSE/OFFENSE. Nonsense. There was none. they werent running any visible plays, there was no team work, no one yellin to anyone else, no communication what so ever. I mean the passes were horrible, mad turnovers, and the game went by so fast that no one had time to even set up a play.

For REAL? so now lets talk about the game and how OUT OF SHAPE these kids looked. I mean wheezing like they were gonna hack up a lung, not even jogging. They were walking from one end to the other. They looked so tired by the end of the first damn quarter. Folks kept making air balls (2 feet away from the basket) missing layp-ups, and lets not even talk about free throws.

And just to be fair, I did see ONE kids set a pick and attempt a pick and roll. I also saw a full court press (altho honestly I dont even think THEY knew they were doin that). Jeez, laughs up and down the damn court! I will also say that the best player on the team (for my school) was the 9th grader who invited me (on a team of mixed students from 9-12 grade). They just need to stick to soccer, oops my bad, FOOTBALL!

Dare I Say it.....

Today was a GOOD day! Now I know I usually post my frustrations and a lot of harsh criticisms of bulgarians. Ive too often found myself using my blog to diss/make fun of the things that I dislike about where I am. But hey, that just makes for GOOD HUMOR! lol and you enjoy to read about those things. but I would be remiss if I didnt say AT LEAST one good thing from time to time, cuz clearly that is how frequently they occur......lol

I had my tenth grade class today and I love them to death. Alto they frustrate me from time to time, they are the closest that come to a real high school class in the states. I had the 9th graders today too. I decided to do a fun debate activity to practice vocabulary that they learned in class. You think this worked at all? NO. But at the end one girl debated against me, and she did a really good job!

I had my extracurricular activity class with 3 (count em 3) 9th graders and that was actually fun. Then I chit-chatted it up with some colleagues. I proceeded to the yarn store when I purchased some new yarn for a new scarf (and NO i have not finished the first one). The lady there was just the cutest thing, and I enjoyed trying to understand what she was saying (ive decided at this point to not even try to study bulgarian).

the sun is out, im done with work, and I actually left smiling! so, yes I dare say it, I had a very GOOD day!

Seriously?!?

So after this project planning seminar, Im fresh with ideas and energized to get something off the ground. Since Jojo left and gave me so much school material I decided to do a resource fair for the English teachers at my school. I discussed this with one of them (who I am really cool) and she says to me, "oh that is great I really could use this. The other volunteer before you gave me these things and I ran out of them" And you know immediately waht I thought right???? Go out and buy them damnit!

So anyway I had to meet with the same lady to talk about our project idea, obtaining laptops for the school. She wants to get like 20, and I think thats a bit much. Seeing as how we already have a computer lab AND 2 laptops AND 2 multi-media systems. But anyway, we decided to meet at 11:50. And do you know what homegirl was doing at that time? EATING! I had to wait a half hour for her to finish eating and run an errand before we could meet and talk about the project.

So we meet and I told her that i dont know where we can get the funding for these laptops from, but we can search online, plan events to raise money and so on. Now she agreed that "everything we need is online we just need to look" But then in the sam breath said she didnt know how to do that. I mentioned that all you have to do is do a Google search for "free laptops, project funding, EU funding" and so on until you find something. But of course she pretended she couldnt even do that. Then when I talked about the events to raise money, she again pretended she didnt know what I meant. I said we could put on shows, have the students produce art works and sell them, have a bake sale, and so on. I felt like I was talkin to a BRICK WALL! Again, just totally clueless. And before you even fix your mouth to say maybe the teachers are inexperienced in this sort of thing, IM NOT BUYING IT. For an international festival we have in our town, some teachers just organized a group of Italians students to come visit our school and the festival. They are also coordinating a trip for our students to go visit the Italians. Another teacher just had the bright idea to contact a local TV so our students could be guest on the show.
Anyway, I see already that if I dont delegate any responsibility, things either wont get done, or ill have to do them myself. Sucks a whole bunch.....
Oh and my favorite of all....I said maybe we could just raise money and buy several laptops. She says No, we need at least 14 so the students can use them in pairs. So I said that is gonna be expensive and if we cant find funding, maybe a lower amount would be more feasible. She says at 500 bucks/laptop, 15 would only 7500, which she doesnt think is a lot of money. FUNNY SINCE YOU DONT EVEN HAVE HALF THAT, NOT IS IT YOUR MONEY BEING SPENT!
the foolishness never ceases to amaze me!

Congrats

I just quickly wanna shout out my girl Serena Williams for winning the Australian Open. Along with all that prize money (can I get a dollar) she also gets the #1 ranking. Thats how we do it.....

Excuse Me?!?!?

So I just caught wind of a possible DOMESTIC VIOLENCE charge against Chris Breezy *confused* Apparently this is big news cuz they both were supposed to perform at the Grammy's but their reps called and both confirmed that neither of them would be in attendance. Aparently from numerous gossip websites I frequent, Breezy and an unidentified woman (presumably Rihanna) got into a physical altercation in his limo and he punched said female in the face. she was let out of the lime when she called 911 and confrimed it was CB who assaulted her. It is reported that she is in the hospital with a black eye. He turned himself in and posted a 50,000 bail.

Ok so first of all how homeboy only 19 and tryna get buck wild on some chick? Dont he still go breast milk on his top lip? These lil boy need to stop it NOW. Second, I hope Rihanna got "Tina Turner (Angela Bassett)" on his ass. I know yall remember the movie. they were in the limo and after he hit her, she BEAT HIS ASS. Then walked out the limo and into the hotel like yeah so what, he hit me but I got my LICK IN TOO! And if I remember correctly, Angela Bassett (who played Tina Turner really gave him the business! Now altho I dont think that happened at all, Im just sayin, I hope it did....and Third of all in the reports I read the limo driver simply dropped said female off at some park them booked it. Now I know he gotta make his money, but I wonder if he jumped in the situation at all, or said anything. Can I atleast get a "excuse me mister brown, but thats enough" Again, I dont think that happened at all, but it would have been nice if the other MAN in the car did/said something......and lastly, I am very interested to see how his reps spin this shit. If it indeed was Rihanna who got fucked up by chris Brown than aint nothing nobody can say to be to make me like this kid anymore. Hittinon females is wack PERIOD. And all yall lil girls out there that like Mr. Breezy need to let him know (IF he is guilty of this) that his actions were wrong.

And just another side note, Breezy aint too old to get an ASS WHOOPIN. Ima need someone in Rihanna camp, a damn groupie, Jigga Man, her brother, manager, daddy SOMEBODY out this bitch to holla at Chris Brown......Im just saying!

Package

So it has finally happened. After patiently waiting, and getting more and more jealous of Jordan receiving a package every 2 weeks from her loving mother, SOMEONE FINALLY SENT ME A PACKAGE! I got a relaxer for my hair (so I can take these damn braids out), a big bottle of perfect for perms, cocoa butter, and a pair of shoes.

GOD BLESS AMERICA!

and if anyone was wondering if I needed anything, or just wanted my address, I can DEFINATELY get you that information ASAP. And here is a list of the things that I wouldnt mind receiving......

Maderma (for scars)

Syrup (cant have enought of that)

M&Ms (preferably the ones with peanuts or peanut butter)

any pair of shoes that I have in storage

any bag that I have in storage (including but not limited to my brown Fendi bag and vintage Gucci bag)

my white coat

peanut butter and jelly (in separate containers)

Marshmellows

hair grease

hair conditioner

good lotion

uggs (size 11)

there are always more but thats all i can think of

Other shit that urks me.....

For the record, this is OFFICIALLY what a dictionary looks like. There are even pocket-sized electronic versions for your convenience. I really do get tired of people asking me the definition, pronunciation, Latin origin, spelling, cross refernce with another language etc of a word. I DONT KNOW EVERYTHING. I am smart as hell dont get me wrong. But also dont get mad at me if you ask me something and I say I dont know it. Cuz unlike Bulgarians, who cant just say "I dont know" I would rather tell you that than WRONG INFORMATION. I am not a dictionary and its impossible for me to know every owrd ever made! Just wanna put that out there......

Also, this is just a general question: Can I ever say no once?!?! Just once would be nice. Let me practice with you guys.....

Blog Reader: Hey Shaun, you want an alcoholic beverage of some sort?

Shaun: No thanks

Blog Reader: Ok cool

OR

Blog Reader: Shaun they are serving ice cream for desert tonight, you wanna go get some?

Shaun: Nah im ok thanks tho.

Blog Reader: ok cool

See how that works? Clearly I need to write a damn MEMO for these bulgarians, cuz I swear they just try to pressure you into doing all types of shit. For instance, we were at the seminar at dinner and ate too much. So before the next session started, I wanted to check my email. I saw that ice cream was being served for desert, but I didnt want any so I left. My counterpart later on said there was ice cream for desert and when I said I knew that, she asked why I didnt eat any. I said I just didnt want to. So of course she says, well I know you like ice cream so I figured you would want some. And I really wanted to say damn bitch be easy. I dont have to eat ice cream all the time, but I settled for just saying that my stomach hurt and I didnt want to upset it further.

For dinner I went out with her again and we met up with some Bulgarians. Immediately they offered me some Rakia (which is really strong alcohol) I politely declined. Well the guy makes it his business to ask why dont I want any,, and proceeded to order me a glass to he could fill it with Rakia. I again politely declined and damn near had to put my hand over the glass for him to get the point that I didnt want any.

Ive said before that I love to Horo, which is a type of traditional line dancing that Bulgarians do here. I love it so much and I am really good at it. So at a dinner we had at the hotel, music was playing and people started to do the horo. And granted I was in a very shitty mood and really didnt want to be there. But they were also doing a very easy (the easiest one possible) horo and I just didnt want to do it. So my counterpart starts bragging to the table how good I am, and how famous I am in my town (shit im a foreigner of cousre everyone knows me). So she starts pushin me to do the horo. I said I didnt feel like it. So here go the ensuing questions: Why not? I thought you liked Horo? Why dont you want to do it? Are you tired? Are you sure you dont want to do it? I really would like to see you do it. Are you ok? OMFG can you stop? DAMN. For just once can I say NO or decline and that be the end of it. Do I really have to offer a book as a reason why I dont want to do something. Can I not just NOT WANT TO DO IT? Can I not just be tired? MUST I have a reason for eveything? Jeez..........Talk about peer pressure. If these people were doing drugs I would have been tried every drug under the sun, tried to quit, went to rehab, relapsed, then died of a drug overdose fucking with them....

Bulgarians

So what does this look like to you? I hope most of you said a box, cuz thats what it is. And we know this. How? Cuz as a society, we have named it such and recognize it as a box no matter what shape/size/color it is. It simply is a box.

BUT metaphorically what is it? Ill tell you what is so you can follow where I am about to go with this post. It is a way of thinking. Inside the box is the regular stuff that we think of together with others. So for example how to make a hamburger. The "in the box" way woudl be to say to shape beef into a round ball then cook it in a pan in oil, put it between two buns along with tomotoes, pickles and ketchup. BUT for those chefs who put a spin on the classic idea of the hamburger and thought "OUTSIDE THE BOX" may not use beef. They may use chicken. What if you put mustard and pickles on the hamburger. What if its a Veggie burger. What if its not between 2 buns and so on and so on.

The reason I am writing this is to point of those Bulgarians and others for that matter who do no "THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX." And while this does not pertain to all Bulgarians, if damn sure speaks to the majority of the ones I have met. They just CANT seem to think outside of the box and it really bothers me!

So a few examples of this are last weekend. I went with one of the English teachers at my school to a seminar onplanning projects in the community. On the invitation, it said we should be at the hotel after 2 PM. Other than that there ws no DEFINITE time we had to be there. So my counterparts husband drove us to the seminar which was 3 hours away from where I lived. We got to the hotel about 1:45 no lie. So we are in the car and she seriously turns to me and says what should we do? We are 15 minutes early, do you think we can go in? So Im thinkin to myself is she joking? What does she mean we cant go in. So we decide to see if we can check in now, and walk inside. We see some PC staff members and ask them can we check in some other small talk. So they say of course yall can check in. So as we are walkin back to the car, my counterpart says, Im gald we can check in now cuz if not we would've had to wait in the car becuz we were 15 minutes early.

Ok, so then we were in one of the sessions and we were split up in groups. So write down some things that we hoped to learn from the seminar (after the facilitators had already introduced what the seminar was for and what we would be doing). So my counterpart turns to me and says can she copy what I wrote cuz she has NO IDEA what to write. *blank stare* Before the seminar even began we had to turn in project ideas and when I asked her if she had any ideas, she flat out told me she had none and that basically I had to come up with my own idea.

And granted the seminar example might be different, but I swear Bulgarians are just so linear. They never can think big, or "OUTSIDE THE BOX" or be creative. And I suppose I could use my students as an example to further this notion of mine. They are so friggin stupid! They are so UN-CREATIVE and lazy and usually cant think for themselves. They have been learning english longer than I have been learning bulgarian, so its a mystery to me that most of them cant communicate with me or even understand what the hell im saying. If I wanted to say something but couldnt think of the word for exactly what I was thinkin, I would try to use others words that I know to describe what I tryin to say or get them to understand my point using the words that I do know. You think Bulgarian students do that. NO! Oh and my favorite. They will say an English word incorrectly, but through the context I pretty much understand what they are saying. You think that happens with me. NO! Ill say a word and becuz the pronunciation is a bit off they cant understand SHIT that im saying. I mean come on folks, can we use some sense?!?!

How you teach someone to be creative? Its damn near impossible. But I try all the time. Ill have them do different assignments and tell them "use your imagination" and ill give more points to the project that is more creative.....damn these dumb asses (not you Alex)!

Fun

Just to put an interesting spin on things, Ive decided to make up this skit that presents the Istanbul scandal in another way. Keep in mind that this is merely a figment of my imagination, and none of the words, terms, language presented below are true or were ever said by anyone....enjoy! *The names, and places have been changed to protect the innocent*

BIO: Ivanka, Yordanka and Simeona are all very excited about London. They have planned a great trip to the city to excape the stresses and problems at work. It has been a very interesting time teaching English in Somalia. What the 2 teachers assumed would be farely easy work and rewarding was not at all what they planned. They were duped, tricked, bamboozled, weaseled, HOAXED if you will. The kids were nothing but little terrors, and didnt want to learn at all. This trip was to give them a small vacation from the work place and the energy to recoop and stay on taks until the next small vacation.

Scene 1: The Director gets wind that one of the volunteers who does not have permission to go is actually in London.

Secretary: Im sorry to bother you Ms. Director, but we RANDOMLY and for no reason at all tried to call Yordanka. She didnt pick up her phone. We waited for about a minute and called her counterpart to confirm our suspicions that she went to London without permission. Her counterpart indeed said she did go.

Director: That little heifer! I cant believe she went to London without my permission. Doesnt she know that I am the Boss? Doesnt she know that I have her life in my hands? I wonder what they are all doing right now? Probably shakin their asses at some random club called RIDDIM. Un huh. Ima fix her ass.......

Secretary: What are you going to do:

Director: Well I just want to be absolutely sure that she is there. Call her again andleave a message taht she should call me back ASAP. Also call the hotel in London they are staying at and ask if she is there.

Secretary: Will do chief....

Scene 2: The 3 teachers just arrive back to the hostel to have a nice relaxing night in.

Ivanka: Wasnt today a nice day. Everywhere we went everyone was so nice and they mostly spoke in English.

Yordanka: Yeah. A very nice change from where we live. all they know how to say there is HEXLO (hello)

Simeona: Yeah and wasnt the food delicious. I was also amazed at how clean everything was!

Bartender: Hey sexy ladies, did you all receive your message?

3 teachers: (in unison) What message?

Bartender: Some lady called for you and asked to speak with yordanka. I said you werent here.

Ivanka: WHATTTTTTT?!? Well did she leave a name? Say anything else

Bartender: Uumm no. She did sound kinda upset tho. She was screamin her lungs off and was very nasty.

Yordanka: OMG I wonder if that was the Director? Damnit.....

Simeona: Well why would she call?

Yordanka: (checking email) OMG they sent me a message. "We tried calling you on the phone. Please be in the office first thing on Tuesday by 6AM"

Ivanka: 6AM got damn. Thats too early. Them Mutha Fuckas is playin right?

Yordanka: No guys. I think they are serious.

Scene 3: The Director plans her next move.

Director: So now that I know where she is, what shall I do next? I cant just let her do what she wants. rules have to be followed! Well Ill just have to make an example out of her lil ass! hahahahaha Ill have a nice lil surprise waitin for here when she finally gets back!

Scene 4: the 3 teachers return to Somalia

Ivanka: OMG what a great trip. It was so relaxing. London was so beautiful. Now I am fully prepared for work tomorrow. That is exactly what I needed

Yordanka: Yeah I know. But I am worried about what the Director will say to me. I think I am in serious trouble guys.

Simeona: Oh dont worry, its not that serious. Just call now if you are so worried.

*Yordanka calls the office*

Mary: (in the nice voice) Hello this is Mary how may I help you

Yordanka: Hello Mary this is Yordanka, I received a message from the office saying I should call and meet with the Director tomorrow

Mary: (in the stink voice) OH its Yordanka huh? Well where have you been?

Yordanka: Well I was in London. didnt the office call there lookin for me?

Mary: Oh yeah, we knew you were there....Well Im gonna call the Director and have her call you back. Dont go anywhere!

*Director calls Yordanka*

Yordanka: Hello Ms. Director

Director: Hello Yordanka, this the Ms. Director, the Director of the program.

Yordanka: I know who this is. I just called you by your name.

Director: Oh, well I just want you to know who you talkin to. Anyway there really is no need for small talk, your ass is OUT. I cant believe you had the audacity to just leave without permission. What do you have to say for yourself missy?

Yordanka: Well I just was so streesed from work and I really needed the small vacation. I figured the office would work with me on this but everyone just said no and wouldnt listen. It was wrong of me I know, but I really needed the time off.

Director: (also in the stink voice screamin through the phone) Well miss thang, like I said, your ass is out. I dont even want to hear what you have to say. This aint the Yordanka show. You play by my rules and when I say jump you say in what language! You have 2 days to pack your stuff and get the hell out of my program.

Yordanka: ok *hangs up the phone*. Its over guys, im out!